I love nights to de-stress and examine life. A quiet house, quiet dogs, a good show on the tube and a good book in the works (The Time Traveler's Wife) make for a great evening. Well, almost a great evening. The weather people are calling for the first big snow of the season starting at midnight tonight and continuing through Thursday night. Up to 10 inches of snow will accumulate between these times. I have never in my life experienced a snow storm in October. Oh well, just chalk it up to living in Colorado. Mike and I are actually planning on going skiing next weekend if the snow continues up on the mountains (p.s. it's supposed to snow up to 2ft up there, yipes!). Staying positive, remember? Attempting to, anyway....there are always negatives that seem to engulf every attempt at a positive.
Like driving to the other facility everday from now until Christmas, arg. I heard that news recently and about flipped my lid. I thought I was hired in Morrison permanently, which is why we chose to find a house about 10 min away. Now, I'm driving a good 45 min to a building which should have a full-time SLP; however the SLP that was there previously only kept about 5 people on caseload and basically half-assed her way through. Now that she is gone, the company doesn't think the building can handle a f/t SLP, which is bull malarky. I am splitting the building with another SLP-CF and we have already identified and picked up 11 residents that need cognitive/dysphagia tx. That's within 3 weeks. So, what I'm hoping for is that they will see the need and hire someone earlier. But of course, there are always speed bumps, like the fact that SunBridge is being bought by SunDance Rehab. Not a big deal considering they are both under the SunHealthcare umbrella but basically all new hires are on hold. So, I'm stuck. Ok. Positive:
*The other 2 buildings in the Denver area owned by Sunbridge have had cut hours, Bear Creek has not. I'm still able to get 40hrs/wk...and I will get those hours as long as I travel to Sable. We are slow at Bear right now and I would be going home early. Positive.
*The experience at another building will be good for me. I have to learn how to deal with other therapists, CNAs, staff, and residents that are completely different than the ones at Bear Creek. Sable in Aurora is much more diverse and multi-cultural which is a good thing. Positive.
*Who am I kidding? It's just until Christmas. Ah! Christmas when I get to go home. Positive.
Whew, I often wonder if I am being a little dramatic about this whole situation. I just spent a good 3 paragraphs sifting through this situation so I think it's time I just let it go. *big sigh* Anyway. Mike and I went to church on Sunday which was a total blessing, but we just didn't get a good vibe from the church. It was only our second experience there, but, I can't really explain it, we just didn't like it (for a lack of better explanation). I've come to the conclusion that I miss my friends terribly and if I don't get involved in a small group I might go crazy. It really does make you appreicate the true friends that you've mad in your life. So, we'll try another church on Sunday and continue to pray about where we should be. My relationship with the Lord has been rocky lately anyway, doubt has crept it's way in and really clouded my view of Christianity. Anyone have any suggestions? Anyone been in the same place? I'm stagnant....and I hate that feeling.
Holy crap. Why am I being so negative?? Boo. Cheer up, Charlie. Life is ultimately good! The Lord is, get this, GOOD. Okay, so Mike found my dog the other day laying in his laundry basket. Ah, Chaco. Way to make my life smile. Love always wins. Let's leave it there for tonight.
Oh girlfriend, seems like we are kinda in the same boat. The lonely nights do bring positivity when we are able to de-stress and reflect -ultimately helping us sort through the pros and cons & gain insight into what has stressed us out in the first place. What is crazy is that I have ALWAYS expressed that stress, worry, cowardness, problems, etc. to my close friends....over & over, yes I know......and now I am expressing them to pretty much myself. Seems like you are doing the same thing. I know you have Mike, but even that can be hard I imagine. Considering you two are now "one" haha. You truly learn a lot about yourself and your life when you use your time for your "self". We are growing up. It is scary. It is difficult. Yet, it is a blessing.
ReplyDeleteDo not give up on your faith. Trust me, I am feeling the EXACT same way (from reading your post)....I am doubting, guessing, and even questioning every move I make in life -including my Christianity. But, I am also realizing how much doubt is a part of faith. If we do not doubt or question what we believe, how do we know what we believe to be truth? How do we stand strong in our faith -without budging when tempted -if we do not second guess ourselves and everything we know. We have grown and moved away from EVERYTHING we have learned and known except for what is deep within us, in our hearts and in our minds, so we have to use THAT to continue our growth. So go ahead, Lynsey. Doubt. Feel. Question. Pray. Grow. Then take a step back, and ask Him to guide you. STAND STILL and let God move you. Then question some more. I promise you that you will find your faith again because you haven't lost it in the first place. It is there. You are just looking in the wrong place. Look within YOU. Look around. You have 20 some years where you have studied and practiced in a church. That has made you the wonderful, courageous, inspiring, and uplifting person that you are....and I know for a fact that no single church or preacher can change who you are or what you believe at this point. It's already there. Again, look inside of you. Then bring that back out into the world. (I am giving myself the same advice as I type!).
If God brought you to it, He'll bring you through it. He will never give you more of a load than you can carry. He will test you. But just remember, heavy does not mean impossible.
I love you.